by Julie Brown on February 1, 2012
Lessons from Stella
Meet Stella, the soon-to-be fifteen year-old Jack Russell Terrier. She hasn’t had the best life, as she has been at Humane Society a total of three times and suffers from PTSD from neglect and harsh treatment. She is deaf, her eyesight is going, she has a little get-up in her back hip and a stubborn streak that must be related to the breed. In this last phase of her life, she is getting progressively loopier and has symptoms of doggie dementia. The symptoms include exaggerated anxiety, getting lost and seeming uncertain at times. She seems to be reminding me of important teachings and new perspectives on a daily basis.
Stella moves at a trot with determination. This walk is otherwise known as pacing and there are times when her wind-up, never-stopping gait begins to make me feel a little batty. She seems to be moving around just because — there is no purpose, just an expression of her internal energy. She doesn’t pace in anticipation to feedings or to be let in or out, she just does laps, without direction just moving with such seriousness it’s hard to believe there is not an intention behind it.
Frequently, I find Stella with her nose stuck in the corner. Sometimes she makes a little whimper as if to say, help I am stuck. More often than not, Stella could just rotate her head to the right or the left and turn around and suddenly she would be back to moving forward. But without my pushing on her shoulder or picking her up and turning her around, she, according to her peanut-size brained perspective, is stuck.
Stella enjoys pleasures of living: delicious food and comfortable places to sleep. She chooses big beds by heaters to sleep next to. Most often her dinner, late afternoon snack, multiple lunches (she eats a lot) are stuck to the top of her nose. She wears dog food on her nose with no remorse, self-consciousness or care. As she sleeps, she snores louder than a freight train.
Most importantly, on a good day, Stella gallops as if she is the fastest dog west of the Mississippi. In the back yard, she does little hops and jumps over ditches and sticks. Sometimes she crashes sliding nose first, but she gets up and starts all over again. Later she may walk like a geriatric dog, hobbling slowly along but when she feels good, she gallops.
So what is it that Stella has to teach? Walk with purpose even if you’re unsure of your direction. Follow your own internal energy … be unselfconscious. Walk just to walk. If you find yourself stuck choose to look in a different direction; you may find your way out. Eat and sleep indulgently because you deserve it. And most importantly, when you feel good, kick up your heels, express your joy and gallop because you are the best you have ever been.
by Julie Brown on January 9, 2012
Let it be
As 2012 approaches, I find myself wondering if I can find even more acceptance for myself, my experiences, my relationships and the world. Inner peace may be the hardest work, allowing ourselves to experience life without resisting it. Life presents itself in an objective way, and we muddle through it, often interpreting our experience in a very didactic way, good or bad, fair or not fair.
I find when challenges arise, I find myself interpreting them. I am eating right, getting enough sleep and exercise and still I feel fatigued. I experience a challenge in “I am doing the right thing, how come life isn’t how I want it to be.” We all have certain expectations of the way things are supposed to be. Eating right, exercising, thinking good thoughts brings good health, being responsible with money brings financial success and so forth. Yes, the formula of doing the right work assists in bringing us what we want and helps increase our odds. Yet, working hard doesn’t ensure getting what you want or encountering life as it is supposed to be.
Expectations and beliefs have a way of limiting our experiences. They hold us to formulas that aren’t always true but based on how we interpret the world. Our mental beliefs are like a pair of glasses that continually taint our perspective of the world. Sometimes these perspectives can be helpful, allowing us more space to become who we are. For example recognizing the frustration with your mate doesn’t really have anything to do with them, but your inner struggle for independence. And sometimes it can hold us back in thinking that having a mate means they aren’t tuned into our emotions or hear us clearly. This can become an absolute in our minds, for example the belief that he never hears me.
I love Veruca Salt, the character in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, who after she meets the Oompa Loompas, tells her father, “I want a Oompa Loompa now.” I can relate to her exaggerated character in the moments when I find myself clenching my jaw or tightening my breath in frustration. It is that feeling, no I want this and I am not going to accept what is.
Observing the incongruent aspects of life verses the actual, I am curious how I can find more acceptance of myself to be exactly where I am. With a sink full of dirty dishes, with resolutions not even started, with sore backs and challenging relationships, with all the things that haven’t been said, and the never-ending list of things that don’t quite fit into what we want, how can we encounter our lives as a process? And at the beginning of the process is self-love and acceptance. Regardless. Self-love and acceptance, no matter what. The present moment doesn’t mean to be devoid of feelings but instead allowing feelings to be present without regretting the past or worrying about the future. Just allow your experience to be just what it is, nothing more or less. Many blessings for the coming year!
by Julie Brown on December 1, 2011
Impermanence
Since I was young I have been aware of the fleeting quality of life, how things continue to change. As a youngster the way life unfolded in an unpredictable way challenged me. I wasn’t consciously aware of aging but I continued to get older and change grades. And in my young mind I was aware that as time marched on things would never be the same like I would never be in sixth grade again. The feeling around change was scary as there was so much uncertainty around being alive.
As winter weather asks us to go inward, I have been reflecting upon the impermanence of life. So today, we may feel worn out, over-worked and distant from our loved ones. In this moment in our tired cranky selves it is easy to buy into the experience, and attach to it. I am overwhelmed, therefore that is what I am and the experience feels permanent. Or my knees are achy and I feel discouraged in what appears to be my lack of strength.
Unlike my experience as a young person, I recognize the gift of impermanence. I may feel imbalanced and weak in my knees today but this experience is malleable and can change. If we recognize our discomfort in our bodies, health, relationships, as a place with the potential to become different, it helps us release our resistance to what is already present. I may be suffering from an unbearable cold but know that this is a moment and a way to return to health. How can we embrace the impermanence rather than resist it?
Sunsets in New Mexico are heartbreakingly beautiful as they line the sky with pinks and reds and oranges that make up breath-taking awe. As I notice them, they always seem to bring me back to the impermanence, the heartaches I have experienced, the fleeting joy, and the moments where everything lines up in my favor. They bring me back to the presence of this magical moment that is only here and looks so splendidly awesome in the moment and changes in a matter of minutes. This reflection, allows me to stay grateful and try not to brace against the impermanence but fall into it as if it is something that will continue to open my heart.
by Julie Brown on November 2, 2011
Feeling into Things, a Practice
Often I wonder what it would take for all of us to trust our innate wisdom and infinite knowing that resides within us. For most of us encountering challenges can throw us off kilter and send us into a tailspin. Often we are incapable of connecting to the deeper space of knowing and feeling our ways through life. I love watching calm people make choices in stressful situations. They are usually based in a logical place and often connected to their innate knowing. And in their decision-making process they are connected to their breath to stay focused and grounded.
But for most of us, getting calm when in the midst of a dust devil can be a complicated practice. So often we resort to a series of reactions. For instance, I am trying to decide how to handle a big choice on how to spend the holidays and feeling pressure from two different sources. I phone a few friends and process it from all angles. In the process, we come up with multiple options, concrete plans and still there is a panic. All the options leave me feeling a little exhausted and not feeling very empowered.
So what happens if we approach problem-solving from the place that the answer is already present. We know what needs to be done so we are just aligning to it surfacing. In complicated challenges it is really difficult to get out of the “trying to figure it out” mode. We lose sleep, play through scenarios and find ourselves embroiled in worries and chatter that don’t really help us figure things out.
What happens if we assume the answer is there and we are just working to access it. I find staying quiet and holding the challenge close can help us find our way back to the perfect solution. Over-processing can also be over stimulating as it creates more havoc. So just for now, consider staying quiet and ask for a solution. Call on your higher self or higher powers to come in and show you the way. I find prayer an amazing space for asking for support. Assume the answer will appear. When you find yourself diving around in multiple scenarios, be willing to keep letting go of your thoughts. Solutions often show up without a lot of emotion, it just feels like the right space.
Sometimes don’t have time to give decisions space to show up. I find in these challenges it helps to state what I want and then feel into the options. For instance if I am taking some time off in the upcoming month for creative endeavors and I am trying to decide whether it would be more fruitful to schedule time away the first weekend or the third weekend of the month. I close my eyes and imagine myself working in the first weekend and pay attention the sensations. Then I focus on the third weekend. Often the experience will show up in your body, maybe the first weekend feels tingling and there is an energizing feeling while the second feels dense and heavy. Our bodies are incredible conduits of relaying our innate wisdom. So when in doubt, feel it out!
by Julie Brown on September 26, 2011
Editing your Story
Fall is my favorite time of year in New Mexico. The temperatures drop into the 70s, the smell of roasting green chili wafts through the air, and the unwavering sun finds a gentle spot in a never-ending sky. For me it creates a reflective space, opening me to things I might be overlooking and ways I may be encountering the world that feel habitual and unserving. Some years ago during a challenging time a Buddhist friend made reference to the concept that each moment, each breath we have the ability to reinvent ourselves. At the time, breathing was about all I could do, but it has continually made an impression on me, how we can continue to make ourselves new.
I have been enjoying regular walks with a friend and in our dialogue, I notice myself describing challenges or areas of discontent and how these elements create my story. The story I am referring to has nothing to do with movies or books, but the narratives we use to describe ourselves or things in our experiences that create our beliefs about ourselves. I notice is how our story’s reflects so much on our ability and often inability to change. And contrarily, as I am diligently preparing for an upcoming workshop in Berkeley, I have been spending lots of time with my guides and intuitive process. And the messages are all pretty much the same. Look to where you want to go, keep your focus on what you want, as attention brings rise to your universe. Simple enough I guess.
I suppose all of us encounter moments when we notice ourselves describing parts of our lives that we don’t like. Have you noticed yourself or someone else talking about a job stress or a frustration in a way that starts sounding like a broken record. Often the things we tell people are components of our story; I live here, I like this, I dislike this, and these are my problems. This information is bound by our limited perceptions and often based on our judgments of what is or what should be. Stories are powerful spaces of transformation and they have the potential to limit us; ” I can’t do this because of this or I have this problem because of this.” This broken record syndrome can sometimes be seen as venting. But when does venting move from just blowing off steam to actually solidifying your reality?
I wonder how to approach the equinox, the beginning of fall in a way to be reflective of the story we buy into about ourselves and the world. If you could live your ideal story, how would it unfold? And what would be the essence of our relationships, our local communities and the world? What would happen if we stopped spotlighting the areas that are not part of what we want to create, and put the beautiful creative potential in the spot light. What if you took a few minutes to write, welcome to my beautiful amazing life a space where inspiration is always at hand. What would it look like if you revised your story, and omitted the parts you don’t like and added the areas of what you are envisioning. No point in emphasizing the lack of money in the bank when we could focus on the ripe apples on the tree. Sometimes the best place to begin change is to start with your story. Happy Equinox!
by Julie Brown on September 1, 2011
Lessons of the Barefoot Shoes
I have been watching a somewhat new trend of people shifting from traditional hiking boots and running shoes to barefoot shoes. One of my dear friends hikes long distances in five-fingers barefoot shoes and has been doing so for more than a year. And despite my love for being barefoot, yahoo to no shoes, I found myself resistant to wearing Barefooters because of old ankle injuries. I pronate and have finicky knees and it is wise to support all of this. Right?
I watch my fabulous hiking pal as she softly walks through the woods and it has me thinking. How do I want to work with my body: by noticing my weak spots and finding ways to protect them? Or do I want to work on getting stronger by realigning my gait and stance to possibly strengthen my body and create more stability? I picked the latter and have been enjoying my new barefoot hikers, and admit that the concept is revolutionary to me.
What it has brought up is how often we spend time learning to protect ourselves, physically, emotionally, mentally that sometimes we may negate the power of our innate strength. What happens when we allow ourselves to move toward difficult emotional territory knowing we have the strength and agility to endure? It can be incredibly challenging to recognize our sensitivities and not want to protect ourselves. So what if in meeting a sick friend you didn’t try to protect yourself by keeping your distance and washing your hands but choose to strengthen your immune system. Or if when asked to speak in front of a group you decline because it makes your knees wobble and your voice shake. But what if you decided to do it as an exercise to create more strength?
Working in the energetic world there are a lot of experiences that can leave us feeling open and vulnerable. Most of us have suffered from experiences when people are directing negative energy our way or thinking ill thoughts of us. It appears in a funky fatigue or the person popping into our thoughts more often then not. For many of us, this means putting up a stronger boundary, or energetic bubbles for protection. In the vein of protect or strengthen, what happens if we strengthen our auras by doing yoga or tai chi to create a stronger muscle to negate the negative energy? Again, what happens when we strengthen our system, be it our so we are less penetrable in the same way we boost our immune systems making us less susceptible to getting sick?
The Barefooters remind me of how quickly and readily I assume a story. Even though I love being barefoot, my resistance to embracing the shoes was tied up around my perception (or misperception) of my body. I can’t use them because I need ankle support and have bad knees. Well, isn’t that a delightful little tidbit of weakness that I am confirming to the universe! And what can change when we encounter our areas of perceived weakness and look to make them a little stronger, create a heartier immune system, stronger knees, and an energetic system that is strong enough to keep negative static out. So protect yourself when needed and in the meantime create strength and reserves that prevent the need to protect!
by Julie Brown on August 8, 2011
Count your Blessings
I am not sure where the saying comes from but in the midst of emotional, spiritual and physical crises it is incredibly challenging to find gratitude. Most of the time I work hard to stay comfortable and when I encounter discomfort it is so hard to look at it and say, oh,
thank you for this teaching experience. Most often I react by tensing up and trying to resist it. This brings to mind the idea of teaching people to learn to find their seat on horseback. When a horse begins to trot, our novice body naturally tenses up. If we find
ourselves relaxing, the experience becomes less full of bounces and more loose hips going with the flow.
Yet I have a hard time embodying this understanding, when I experience an illness or a conflict with a loved one. I spend most of my time trying to get out of it, whether it means looking for a miracle cure on the internet (and even ordering it!) or
rehearsing what I should have said in conflict.
I wonder what would happen if we shifted our perspectives a little bit and allowed ourselves to open to the gift of living by recognizing we encounter exactly what we need. Things are constantly in motion and when things are out of balance, things shift in
order to create new balance. Bodies get out of balance so we need to reconfigure through illness, our living environment is taxing on us so we find an eviction notice taped to the door. Most of us encounter these things as undesirable hardships and tend to rant how we’ve been wronged.
So ready to count your blessings?
What happens if we recognize the illusion of control and trust the appearance and disappearance of things, the hard experiences might actually be to our benefit. That somehow struggles and hardship that we experience is part of our path of learning and growing and opening to a broader understanding of ourselves. That the undesirable that appears at our door like a bad acne outbreak actually is a cover for a wrapped present waiting to be revealed.
Being human and living is a hard endeavor. I sometimes wonder how people actually survive the tremendous amount of pain and suffering that is part of each human experience. And no matter what we each encounter, there is always someone somewhere who has suffered greater than one of us. How can we take the experience out of the self-centered me perspective and recognize that things happen and removing the judgments of good and bad may allow something different.
In the meantime how can we open ourselves to a deeper understanding of the blessings as they occur? My body has a cold and feels awful right now, but what a blessing that it has served me so well so much of the time. What a gift to be able to recharge my immune system and find gratitude in each full breath of life. And this challenging relationship dynamic has allowed me to examine my responsibilities to another person, and discern my projections from theirs. It does not eliminate the feelings of pain but it might alleviate suffering connected with the extra layer of over-identifying with the experience. So maybe in the moment of struggle we could take a minute and count, count our blessings.
by Julie Brown on July 29, 2011
What Do You Mean Let Go
Recently, I have become aware of a “worry” pattern I get stuck in as I attempt to create certain outcomes in my life. The pattern consists of using my will to attempt to force things to happen in the form of scheming plans and over thinking how to make it happen. It feels like a constricted fist, showing up in small things, like getting my cats to come inside at a certain time, or bigger, like how to fund the ideal living space. Physically, I notice my jaw clamping down, my shoulders tightening, my mind racing through what ifs, and an energy vibration of anxiety. And mostly, it doesn’t help getting me to my destination.
What happens if we release the worry cycle and use our energy to create an atmosphere of trust?
Easier said than done, I know, but often times, trying to create the right atmosphere for a conversation, or tightly budgeting every little cent proves to be exhausting and sometimes unnecessary. And I spend nights sleepless, tossing and turning, which results in a scattered and burnt-out exhaustion during the day. Retrospect definitely points to an understanding that the anxious energy did not help create what I want. But more often than not it actually worked against my intuitive flow.
How to we find a way to let it go? Well, I find sometimes being where you are and recognizing the gift of living without what you want can be helpful. I will be okay if I don’t get this job, I recognize I really want it, and it feels right but there are invisible factors at work, so what if I stay with myself and trust for a minute. And if this house or relationship seems like the right thing for me, then why am I losing sleep and mojo over it?
The underlying belief for many of us is that we don’t deserve to create and have what we want. So in the process of getting what we want there can be a level of desperation… I have to have this or else. Most of us are familiar with sticky desperate energy, whether it is from us or other people the energy repels. How often have you met someone that gives off an anxious, I want-to-please-no-matter-what energy that sends you to the other side of the room. Desperate energy works the same behind the scenes, it can repel what we want. So if we find a way to stay in alignment with our natures and feel our essence of deserving and pure goodness, it makes it easier to release the pattern of anxiety. Coming from a place of fulfillment, creates an atmosphere of already having what you want.
Talking to a friend about this, he said sometimes he considers the worst-case scenario first when working on manifesting. If we can accept what is, or what could not be, it can help you release the tension around not having it. There is a fine line between focusing and letting it go, sometimes I imagine holding what I want in one hand, and releasing it in the other.
And finally, if I feel am completely incapable of releasing the worry or monkey mind, I try to distract myself. I am actually a proponent of finding some place to focus your energy. Whether it is reading a book, doing an activity or something to engage your mind out of the context of obsessive thinking. I also stay with my healthy tools, using prayer, setting intentions on what I want and asking others to see me as successful. Letting go of the worry pattern in life can free up a lot of space to allow creativity and openness to thrive.
by Julie Brown on June 24, 2011
Tunnel Vision will make you blind
Often times, I find myself encountering my life as being measured by various seemingly pivotal events, like graduating from college, moving to a new house, or reorganizing the kitchen cupboards, as if the events are like crossing a finish line. And for the most part the emphasis of getting there is frequently experienced as a tunnel. All energies are focused on getting to the end of the tunnel because as soon as I am there life begins again. As soon as I graduate I will have more time to exercise, as soon as I move to this new house I will have more time to spend writing, as soon as … Important aspects of life, like general health, relationships and fun, get put on hold until I get from point A to point B.
Working for the weekend or a vacation can give us hope for time off to relax and enjoy ourselves. It allows us to know there is light at the end of the tunnel – that it will be better as soon as this happens. I am not sure if by doing this, it allows us to be more focused at tasks at hand, or it is an illusion. That really there is no such thing as getting there, that life is a series of events and once one is completed another is there to fill it’s place. The element that disturbs me is tasks will always appear, the house needs to be cleaned, the project at work will be replaced by another project. And before we know it, the important elements of our life, health and relationships, don’t seem to be as important.
Inevitably life brings us projects or times when our lives are tunnel focused. I am not sure if this is the way our society is set up, or some people have more of propensity to be like this, but I wonder how life can be more holistic? That in order to stay focused on one area, that basic self care like healthy eating and exercise is a mandatory part of the process.
How do we establish our base-line of priorities? Knowing that we need to eat a certain way and be physically active and feel connected to people to be productive. That our task or project becomes an aspect of our lives, but not the central force.
by Julie Brown on May 9, 2011
Internal Solace
Spring in New Mexico is awake with wind gusts and dry brittle weather that is rattling and disturbing. Everyone experiences various weather patterns as jarring at times. Wind is definitely mine, as I find it ungrounding and my refuge in the hills or in the backyard lose the pleasant allure. I notice myself easily aggravated, not as patient and sometimes a little angry. Blame it on the wind.
And speaking to an insightful friend, she brought up her own storm in her intimate relationship, and very thoughtfully brought up how unseated she became when her relationship is not smooth. It is so easy to define ourselves according to our life circumstances; the temperature of our relationships, the discomfort in our working environment, and our physical well being.
The idea of staying anchored in the midst of the 40 mph gusts blasting at my window or when external circumstances are unfriendly at best, can be challenging. And how can we stay and cultivate an internal reality that is solid and holds the essence of our natural strength? It is not to say that the external circumstances will not affect us as we experience and feel our way through life. But how can the circumstances become a component of our existence or even the catalyst for shift, change or acceptance but not the center?
My definition of personal strength has changed over the years. It used to pertain to the ability to endure dark times, and be able to exert my power
and claim my position. The change in how I define my personal strength has to do with realizing power may have less to do with force but more with contemplation. And your relationships may not be smooth sailing, and your friend my have unflattering opinions of you, and your personal health may be a mess. And maybe this is an opportunity to tap into infinite reserves of personal strength. Maybe when you feel plowed over by what the world is presenting you, you could just stop for a moment. Tune into the sensation and offer yourself unconditional love. Find your way to the moment and see if you can touch into the comfort or warmth that exists within you. Ultimately we have so little control of anything. Our inner world is ours to shine light on whatever we want.
